Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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