I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize