I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
