"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
