I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
