You're completely useless in the revolution.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
