yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
