i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize