Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
