Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
