I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
