i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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