Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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