what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
