have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
