Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
