Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
