she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
