I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
