That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
