College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
