YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
