belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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