She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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