sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Are we still banned from the library?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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