You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
