My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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