I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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