I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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