I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
