i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
