it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
