I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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