girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
