dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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