those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
