i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
