I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize