there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My penis needs a shock collar
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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