Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
