She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
