If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
