I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sarcasm needs its own font
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
