he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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