you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
