I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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