She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
