yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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