I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
