i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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