Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
