It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
