Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize