five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
