she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
