so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
