I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
