can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
