...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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