Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
