i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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