How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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