First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
