peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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