FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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