You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
