I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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