I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
