So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
