You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
